Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Don't be Afraid of the Pagans!

The word "pagan" has come to mean many things, depending on who is speaking. It is derived from the Latin word paganus, meaning country dweller. Though some have explained that the term took on a synonymous meaning as a pejorative, akin to "hick", other scholars have explained that the word was most likely used to mean civilian, as opposed to soldier. The Oxford English Dictionary explains that Christians often referred to themselves as "soldiers of Christ", so those who were not Christians were referred to as civilians, or paganus.

Several different forms of pagan religions existed in ancient times, including the Celtic Druids, the Norse Asatru, and other ancient forms from Egypt, Greece, and the Romans. In addition, the Christian religion has historically classified anyone who was not Christian as "pagan", used interchangeably with the word "heathen", which means Godless souls in need of salvation. In our Christianized society, the word "pagan" still strikes some with an uneasy feeling, and is sometimes used to refer to those who do not follow the status quo. So, it's understandable why there might be some confusion when someone says that she or he is a pagan. What exactly does that mean?

Sometimes it's easier to start with what Paganism is not. It is not Wicca, or witchcraft, or voodoo, or Satanism, or atheism, or godlessness. Often confused with Paganism, Wicca is a fast-growing group gaining popularity in recent times. Its modern form was created by a man named Gerald Gardner, who wrote a book in 1951 named Witchcraft Today. Paganism is a broad term that covers several different sub-categories, similar to the way in which many people who are Christians have different denominations. Wicca is a denomination, if you will, of Paganism.

While there are many smaller sub-sects of Paganism, the most common form in the United States might be referred to as modern paganism, or neopaganism. And while there are differences even within these groups, there are some fundamental commonalities. Most modern pagans believe that there is a life force, or spirituality, within the earth and the natural world. Those who believe that there are deities feel that the gods and goddesses are present in the earth. There is no specific moral code, or set of scriptures to follow, other than to revere the earth, and everything that is of the earth, including plants, animals, and other humans. Many pagans feel a spiritual responsibility toward environmentalism.

Pagans believe that everything as part of the earth is divine; therefore, they don't use pastors or priests or any kind of "mediator" to the divine. It is to be found within by connecting to the earth. Because the earth is focal to the belief, the four elements of water, earth, air, and fire often take up central roles in the cyclical ceremonies.

Most pagans celebrate rituals timed to coincide with the natural cycle of the earth. Almost all pagan groups celebrate the seasonal equinoxes and solstices, in addition to others like Beltane (known to the Western world as May Day) and Samhain, a version of Halloween in which the veil between the concrete and spiritual worlds is lifted.

Though several Christian dates of significance are said to have been borrowed from the pagan calendar, like Christmas, Easter, etc., there are significant differences in the belief systems of the two. Christian belief tends to be linear, i.e., Christ came to the earth on one specific day, life is lived on earth, and after death there is Heaven. But, pagan belief is circular, i.e., the rituals are celebrated to mark yearly passing of an unending natural cycle. In fact, most pagan rituals are performed in a circle. Christians often believe that transcendence of this life is the ideal, whereas pagans believe that there is nothing to transcend and all the spiritual answers they seek are right here on earth.

Another departure from Christianity is that pagans firmly believe the spiritual force of the earth is female, and both male and female energies are honored in their ceremonies. In fact, it is seen as necessary for there to be the presence of both masculine and feminine for balance.

Most pagans will tell you that there is nothing to be uneasy about in their faith. They simply try to live in harmony with the earth, and that means you too.

Witches Handshake

Witches Handshake

Extend your right index finger and lightly touch the wrist of the person exactly where the pulse is felt. By touching the pulse it throws the acquaintance completely off his balance for just an instant, but in that instant plant an initialthought.
(example: I am the one you want for the job)
 really works and is cool try it.

Top 10 Spiritual Truths We Weren’t Taught in School

1. We are spiritual beings on a human journey. Before we came down into this physical body, we planned out the point in time that we would begin to awaken to who and what we are. The womb of our mother was the tunnel of forgetting, and we knew the challenge of remembering would be tough. The biggest risk we took was never remembering. We were never disconnected from our source of light, however the connection was stretched very long and thin to reach this part of the universe in density. Our challenge is to strengthen this connection and to grow our pillar of light in remembrance and recognition of who we truly are.

2. Our souls never die- we just change our focus. As a spark of light from Source, we are infinitely connected to the flow of experience. When it is time to disconnect the cord of life from our physical body, our spark rises up and out of the human physical body. We take the experience of our lifetime with us, but our focus is changed to a slightly different level of vibration. We still exist as the person we were in human form as well as the many people we have been before. Every lifetime builds experience and wisdom.

3. Everything is energy vibrating at a certain frequency. All living things on earth have consciousness, even rocks and trees. Every-thing and every-one is connected to a “tree of life” or an infinite energy source. We can connect to the consciousness of trees and rocks and can carry on conversations with Top 10 Spiritual Truths We Weren’t Taught in School | In5D.comthem by tuning in to their particular vibrational frequency. Our bodies are 90% water and can be programmed and molded to a certain vibrational frequency via thoughts, sound, color, and love. When we understand vibration, we can understand how alternative and holistic treatments can cure any disease or ailment in the body by changing the water vibration.

4. Our thoughts create our reality. All thoughts are energy which manifest into what we see as reality. Always being aware of your thoughts is one of the first steps in responsible co-creation of your reality. It is a simple concept but takes awareness and work. If every person on earth changed their thoughts towards peace and freedom there would be no war or tyranny. Focusing on negative thoughts will create a lower vibrational frequency and focusing on positive thoughts can raise the vibrational frequency. Our reality is a manifestation of what we create through thought patterns.

5. We are the ones we have been waiting for. There are many races and dimensions of beings on the planet at this time. Cherubim angels, Seraphim angels, Archangels, Pleiadians, Orions, Sirians, Arcturans, Anunnaki..…just to name a few. We volunteered to be here at this time, answering the call from the consciousness of Planet Earth as she cried out for help. We came here from other galaxies, universes, and cosmoses. Many came here each time there was a chance to achieve a “golden age” after the “fall”. Although those times were not completely successful, they were all preparation for this time.

6. Most of us incarnated here before- many times, in order to prepare for this current lifetime. There are souls who are here to be wayshowers and leaders and there are souls here who just wanted to be here to witness the raising of vibration of the human race in concert with the planet, which will affect the solar system, the universe, the cosmos, and beyond. For those who lead by example, our schooling never stops. We had many “classes” to take in order to prepare to master ourselves in this incarnation. The scope of the effect this event will have on all of creation is one of the biggest secrets of all. Some say that the incarnation cycle has ended and this lifetime is the opportunity to release ourselves from the wheel of karma, or the need to balance our actions.

7. We are never alone. We could not exist here without help from our spirit guides and angels, or high vibrational beings of light who made agreements with us to help steer us on the path toward the goal of ascension. They exist in another vibrational level or dimension higher than ours- thus most of us cannot see them. They are always with us and are waiting patiently for us to ask for help, as we live on a free will planet. They abide by laws of interference because of our free will, but if we ask with our highest and best interest they do have creative ways of manifesting what you ask for. Most guidance comes from within- through a process of telepathy where you get an idea in your head. Messages can also come from other people- those who can tap into that vibrational level in order to hear what they have to say.

8. Time is an illusion. We have a past and we have already been to the future. The majority of our energy particles (our souls) exist in a place of “no time”. Time is created in order to experience and is part of the controlled experiment. Meditation or “going within” is the key to returning to the place of “no time” where all the answers lie.

9. Ascension does not involve going anywhere. It is a state of being, a focus of awareness and consciousness into a higher vibrational frequency. It is what we were created for- to “go forth and experience”, and return the experiences back to Source in an infinite loop of co-creation and mastery. The main reward of incarnating in the depths of “hell” at this time is rising like the phoenix from the ashes into the bliss and light of love. This is achieved by being love itself.

10. Love is all there is. Finding and reconnecting to love again is the most important thing we can do as humans. Source is unconditional love, and we are sparks of source- which means we are also love. Therefore we are that we seek. Loving ourselves unconditionally is the key to returning to source.

Change starts with each individual person recognizing these truths. We are not responsible for trying to convince others of our own truth, but instead all we have to do is to “be” truth and the rest will follow. How do we do this? Be the example by speaking your truth, and watch the world change before your eyes. By becoming responsible for ourselves, our thoughts, and our actions, we will have made one great leap toward the future of our children and the future of humanity as spiritual beings on a human journey. We have the greatest opportunity ever in the history of the earth to be the best version of a human being we can be. It is simply up to us as to how glorious we create the future of humanity existing on the spaceship we call Earth.

A wonderful poem, touching home.

Late at night is when I think
And try to I clear my head
I often stay awake all night
Just laying in my bed

As soon as I get comfy
Thoughts start racing in
I start to question everything
and regret my every sin

At first the thoughts are gentle
Like what will I do tomorrow
But as time crawls by; they escalate
Till I'm drowning in my sorrow

I think of all my failures 
Every detail of what I did wrong
After hours of reliving pain
I convince myself I don't belong

I suddenly feel isolated
and like the silence will never end
I feel like I will never escape
There's too much I just can't mend

I feel overpowered and worthless
Like I'll never do anything right
I hide till the world fades away
And I'm awoken by the light

I realize a new day has come
It's time to put on a brave face
I put those negative thoughts away
Until I return to this place

Good Quote

Too many feels

The Truth About Villains

Some happy fuckin' animals.

Free movies. Click the image.


You are the universe.

Quantum Theory Proves Consciousness Moves To Another Universe At Death

A book titled “Biocentrism: How Life and Consciousness Are the Keys to Understanding the Nature of the Universe“ contains a notion that life does not end when the body dies, and it can last forever.


 The author of this publication, scientist Dr. Robert Lanza who was voted the 3rd most important scientist alive by the NY Times, has no doubts that this is possible. Lanza is an expert in regenerative medicine and scientific director of Advanced Cell Technology Company. Before he has been known for his extensive research which dealt with stem cells, he was also famous for several successful experiments on cloning endangered animal species. But not so long ago, the scientist became involved with physics, quantum mechanics and astrophysics. This explosive mixture has given birth to the new theory of biocentrism, which the professor has been preaching ever since. Biocentrism teaches that life and consciousness are fundamental to the universe. It is consciousness that creates the material universe, not the other way around. Lanza points to the structure of the universe itself, and that the laws, forces, and constants of the universe appear to be fine-tuned for life, implying intelligence existed prior to matter. He also claims that space and time are not objects or things, but rather tools of our animal understanding. Lanza says that we carry space and time around with us “like turtles with shells.” meaning that when the shell comes off (space and time), we still exist. The theory implies that death of consciousness simply does not exist. It only exists as a thought because people identify themselves with their body. They believe that the body is going to perish, sooner or later, thinking their consciousness will disappear too. If the body generates consciousness, then consciousness dies when the body dies. But if the body receives consciousness in the same way that a cable box receives satellite signals, then of course consciousness does not end at the death of the physical vehicle. In fact, consciousness exists outside of constraints of time and space. It is able to be anywhere: in the human body and outside of it. In other words, it is non-local in the same sense that quantum objects are non-local. Lanza also believes that multiple universes can exist simultaneously. In one universe, the body can be dead.

And in another it continues to exist, absorbing consciousness which migrated into this universe. This means that a dead person while traveling through the same tunnel ends up not in hell or in heaven, but in a similar world he or she once inhabited, but this time alive. And so on, infinitely. It’s almost like a cosmic Russian doll afterlife effect. This hope-instilling, but extremely controversial theory by Lanza has many unwitting supporters, not just mere mortals who want to live forever, but also some well-known scientists. These are the physicists and astrophysicists who tend to agree with existence of parallel worlds and who suggest the possibility of multiple universes. Multiverse (multi-universe) is a so-called scientific concept, which they defend. They believe that no physical laws exist which would prohibit the existence of parallel worlds. The first one was a science fiction writer H.G. Wells who proclaimed in 1895 in his story “The Door in the Wall”. And after 62 years, this idea was developed by Dr. Hugh Everett in his graduate thesis at the Princeton University. It basically posits that at any given moment the universe divides into countless similar instances. And the next moment, these “newborn” universes split in a similar fashion. In some of these worlds you may be present: reading this article in one universe, or watching TV in another. The triggering factor for these multiplyingworlds is our actions, explained Everett. If we make some choices, instantly one universe splits into two with different versions of outcomes. In the 1980s, Andrei Linde, scientist from the Lebedev’s Institute of physics, developed the theory of multiple universes. He is now a professor at Stanford University. Linde explained: Space consists of many inflating spheres, which give rise to similar spheres, and those, in turn, produce spheres in even greater numbers, and so on to infinity. In the universe, they are spaced apart. They are not aware of each other’s existence. But they represent parts of the same physical universe. The fact that our universe is not alone is supported by data received from the Planck space telescope. Using the data, scientists have created the most accurate map of the microwave background, the so-called cosmic relic background radiation, which has remained since the inception of our universe.

They also found that the universe has a lot of dark recesses represented by some holes and extensive gaps. Theoretical physicist Laura Mersini-Houghton from the North Carolina University with her colleagues argue: the anomalies of the microwave background exist due to the fact that our universe is influenced by other universes existing nearby. And holes and gaps are a direct result of attacks on us by neighboring universes. So, there is abundance of places or other universes where our soul could migrate after death, according to the theory of neo-biocentrism. But does the soul exist? Is there any scientific theory of consciousness that could accommodate such a claim? According to Dr. Stuart Hameroff, a near-death experience happens when the quantum information that inhabits the nervous system leaves the body and dissipates into the universe. Contrary to materialistic accounts of consciousness, Dr. Hameroff offers an alternative explanation of consciousness that can perhaps appeal to both the rational scientific mind and personal intuitions. Consciousness resides, according to Stuart and British physicist Sir Roger Penrose, in the microtubules of the brain cells, which are the primary sites of quantum processing. Upon death, this information is released from your body, meaning that your consciousness goes with it. They have argued that our experience of consciousness is the result of quantum gravity effects in these microtubules, a theory which they dubbed orchestrated objective reduction (Orch-OR). Consciousness, or at least proto-consciousness is theorized by them to be a fundamental property of the universe, present even at the first moment of the universe during the Big Bang. “In one such scheme proto-conscious experience is a basic property of physical reality accessible to a quantum process associated with brain activity.” Our souls are in fact constructed from the very fabric of the universe – and may have existed since the beginning of time. Our brains are just receivers and amplifiers for the proto-consciousness that is intrinsic to the fabric of space-time.


 So is there really a part of your consciousness that is non-material and will live on after the death of your physical body? Dr Hameroff told the Science Channel’s Through the Wormhole documentary: “Let’s say the heart stops beating, the blood stops flowing, the microtubules lose their quantum state. The quantum information within the microtubules is not destroyed, it can’t be destroyed, it just distributes and dissipates to the universe at large”. Robert Lanza would add here that not only does it exist in the universe, it exists perhaps in another universe. If the patient is resuscitated, revived, this quantum information can go back into the microtubules and the patient says “I had a near death experience”‘ He adds: “If they’re not revived, and the patient dies, it’s possible that this quantum information can exist outside the body, perhaps indefinitely, as a soul.” This account of quantum consciousness explains things like near-death experiences, astral projection, out of body experiences, and even reincarnation without needing to appeal to religious ideology. The energy of your consciousness potentially gets recycled back into a different body at some point, and in the mean time it exists outside of the physical body on some other level of reality, and possibly in another universe.

I've been working all day...

Elsa ...STAHP!

Muhammad Ali Dodging 21 Punches In 10 Seconds

20 Things to Stop Letting People Do to You

  • Stop letting people drag you into needless arguments. – Never waste your time trying to explain yourself to people who have proven that they are committed to misunderstanding you.  And don’t define your intelligence or self-worth by the number of arguments you have won, but by the number of times you have said, “This needless nonsense is not worth my time!”
  • Stop letting people drown you with their negativity. – Positivity is a choice.  Choose wisely.  Be smart enough to walk away from the negativity around you… it is never worth your while, ever.
  • Stop letting people make you feel ashamed of your scars. – Scars remind us that our past is real, and that we have grown beyond it.  Every scar has a story.  Don’t be afraid to tell it and own it.
  • Stop listening to those who berate you for your honest mistakes. – To grow strong and wise, you must have the courage to make mistakes.  Allow yourself to be a beginner.  No one starts off being excellent.
  • Stop letting others blind you from YOUR truth. – Today, the only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.  Prove yourself to yourself, not others.  (Read A New Earth.)
  • Stop letting people bully you. – Bullying is not OK.  Period.  There is no freedom on Earth that gives someone the right to assault who you are as a person.  Sadly, some people just won’t be happy until they’ve pushed your ego to the ground and stomped on it.  What you have to do is have the nerve to stand your ground.  Don’t give them any leeway.  Nobody has the power to make you feel small unless you give them that power.
  • Stop letting friends be untrue to you. – What is a true friend?  Someone who loves you just the way you are, but still inspires you to be a better person.  BE a true friend to others, and keep only true friends close to you.
  • Stop letting the same people lie to you over and over again. – If someone fools you once, shame on them.  If someone fools you twice, shame on you.  If you catch someone lying to you, speak up.  Some people will lie to you repeatedly in a vicious effort to get you to repeat their lies over and over until they effectively become true.  Don’t partake in their nonsense.  Don’t let their lies be your reality.
  • Stop letting people take advantage of you. – Sometimes people don’t notice the things we do for them until we stop doing them.  This is NOT right!  Realize this.  You deserve better.  You deserve to be with people who make you smile – friends who don’t take you for granted – friends who won’t leave you hanging.
  • Stop letting people treat you like a back-up plan. – Don’t settle to simply be someone’s downtime, spare time, part time, or sometime.  If they can’t reliably be there for you when you need them most, they’re not worth your time.
  • Stop letting the wrong people get between you and the right ones. – Don’t let the people who refuse to love you keep you from the people who do love you.  Spend time with those who make your world a little brighter simply by being in it.  Someday you will either regret not doing so, or you will say, “I’m glad I did.”
  • Stop letting hateful people motivate you to hate them back. – As Gandhi once said, “An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.”  Regardless of how despicable another has acted, never let hate build in your heart.  Fighting hatred with hatred only hurts you more.  When you decide to hate someone you automatically begin digging two graves: one for your enemy and one for yourself.  (Read The Four Agreements.)
  • Stop letting people leave grudges in your mind. – Remember, the first to apologize is the bravest.  The first to forgive is the strongest.  The first to move forward is the happiest.  Always.
  • Stop letting people use your past to poison your present. – Life is too short to tirelessly struggle with old news and those who refuse to let it go.  Some people cannot stand that you’re moving on with your life and so they will try to drag your past to catch up with you.  Do not help them by acknowledging their behavior.  Keep moving forward.  Practice acceptance and forgiveness.  Letting go of the past is your first step to happiness.
  • Stop letting people convince you that change is a bad thing. – The things we can’t change often end up changing us.  This change happens for a reason.  Roll with it.  It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it in the end.
  • Stop letting people steer you away from meaningful pursuits.– If you can smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.  So don’t let other people get between you and the ideas and activities that truly move you.
  • Stop letting people dump on your dreams. – Life will test you to see how serious you are about pursuing a particular path.  And sooner or later you may face negative feedback from others.  When this happens, remember not to let anyone crush your spirit.  If you are passionate about something, pursue it, no matter what anyone else thinks.  That’s how dreams are achieved.
  • Stop letting naysayers talk you out of putting in the extra effort. – Hard times often lead to greatness.  Keep the faith.  It will be worth it in the end.  The beginnings to great things are always the hardest.
  • Stop letting people convince you of their quick-fix schemes. – Anything worth achieving takes time and dedicated effort.  Period.  Honestly, I used to believe that making wishes and saying prayers changed things, but now I know that wishes and prayers change us, and WE change things.  (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Goals and Success” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
  • Stop letting people tell you that you need more to be happy. – Thankfulness is the start of happiness.  Be sure to appreciate what you’ve got.  Be thankful for the little things in life that mean a lot.
  • Disguised Weapons on Craigslist.

    This Guy Was Asking for Disguised Weapons on Craigslist. This is the Hilarious Answer He Got.

    50 Universal Truths About Men

    Why should I remind you that “I love you?” I already told you once.
    Being respected is more important to me that being loved.
    I hate arguing with you. I’d much rather find a compromise.
    I love long hair. Sorry, but I do.
    When you speak softly, I can’t help but listen.
    I need to be told “no” sometimes. Not a lot, but every now and again reminds me that you are expensive.
    Please don’t ask me how you look unless you’re willing to trust my answer.
    My eyes notice other women a lot more when you are upset with me.
    When you’re happy with me I can’t help but want to please you.
    If I don’t feel I can make you happy, it makes me feel less than a man.
    I expect you to be ready when I pick you up.
    Cigarettes make any woman look cheap and easy.
    I’m scared if I let a woman inside my heart, she’ll take advantage of me.
    If you can’t stand up to me when I’m a brat, you’re too weak for me to open up to when I’m upset.
    Sitting quietly next to me after you’ve made me a meal is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free ticket. You’ll be surprised how quickly I can forgive.
    You did something hurtful. If I never bring it up, I’m considering leaving you.
    I don’t read minds. Remember, I’m not a woman.
    You may know fashion, but I wish you’d dress to please me, not other women.
    If I’m losing my hair, it’s not funny. Would you like me to joke about your weight?
    When I talk to you about golf and you act bored, it would be nice for you to remember all the times I’ve listened to you talk about what is important to you.
    The woman I love is easy to please. She appreciates the effort I put into making her happy, even if I get the details wrong.
    You look hot in a dress.
    I hate being told what to do when I don’t ask for help. It makes me feel like you’re my mother.
    If you sleep over, I might eventually marry you, but I’m less motivated.
    During sex my ears are as sensitive to your words as your skin is to my touch.
    I need some type of signal or cue to walk across the room and approach you. What if you’re married!?
    It makes me feel like you trust me when you ask for my advice.
    It feels competitive when you insist on being in charge.
    I’ll do anything for sex; even commit to you for life.
    I want every man to envy me when we arrive as a couple. Please don’t let yourself go.
    When I’m upset I am very tone sensitive. How you say it is more important than what you say.
    I hate it when you minimize, ignore or tell me I don’t mean my compliments. It makes me want to stop giving them.
    I’m more insecure than you think. Why do you think I need your respect so much?
    I don’t always know how I feel. That’s why I don’t tell you.
    I don’t need you to do things for me. What I crave is being able to please you.
    If I do one thing and say something contradictory – go with my actions – that will always tell you what’s in my heart.
    I find myself wanting to please you when you simply smile at me without asking for something (like a favor).
    I really don’t want to hear about any of your ex-boyfriends, regardless of the point.
    If I don’t share what I’m thinking, it’s because I don’t think you will listen without interrupting.
    I don’t like to argue and I don’t like to guess what’s wrong. Just tell me so I can fix it.
    I love it when you put your hair in a pony tail. Yes, it’s a Freudian thing.
    Don’t ask me, “Are you going to wear that?” when I’m already dressed.
    A gentleman should always be respected by his lady in public, even if she is disagreeing with him.
    If you don’t believe you’re pretty, you won’t believe me when I tell you, no matter how many times I say it.
    It isn’t how much you weigh, it’s that your body is proportionate, which is so attractive.
    Sometimes I have weird, strange or very sexual thoughts. I don’t take them seriously and I don’t want to share them with you (or anyone).
    Sometimes you really don’t want to know what I’m thinking. See above.
    If you cheat on me, it is nearly impossible for me to get over it.
    I don’t remember everything about our relationship but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.
    I need some time to myself to calm down when I’m upset so that I don’t say something I will regret.

    Monday, June 2, 2014

    FBI Records

    Stephen Hawking

    Gun control.

    Rules That Guys Wish Girls Knew

    1.Sometimes we just don't want to talk. Don't take it personally.
    2.We notice other women because we are men and we are alive. This does not mean we're planning to dump you and jump them.
    3.Our favorite T-shirts are not "disgraceful." They show our loyalty to our college, our favorite sports team, our favorite beer, our favorite vacation or number 23.
    4.Helpless is not cute.
    5.Get to the point.
    6.Understand that men are single-minded and can only do one thing at a time. So don't talk to us while we're doing something. We will either ignore you, because we don't hear you "honestly), or we'll screw up what we're doing because you've distracted us.
    Exception to Rule 6. Interrupt us if something is on fire, if someone needs immediate medical attention, if Pamela Lee is on TV or if there is an emergency that needs a hero.
    7.You can't complain that there are no good guys around while some of us are still single.
    8.If you ask us, "Do you think she's prettier then me?" we just might say, "Yes." Then what are you going to do?
    9.Don't expect even a great relationship with us to solve all your problems. Just because we love you, doesn't mean your cellulite, your credit card debt or your bad mood will disappear.
    10.We would not wear high heels to impress you.
    11.Breathe occasionally so we can get a word in.
    12.For us, driving is not just a means of going from point A to point B. It's an opportunity to control a couple of tons of steel. We drive, therefore, we are.
    13.If you want us to notice something, help us out by saying something like, "I went to the beauty shop today."
    14.If you have to have a cat, at least don't call him "Mister" anything.
    15.Hide the self help books when we come over. They make us nervous.
    16.We need to vegetate.
    17.We don't go shopping. When we need something, we buy it.
    18.We believe our bodily functions are perfectly normal and, at times, quite amusing.
    19.We don't believe you when you say money isn't important to you.
    20.When we see pictures of Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones we feel proud and happy to be men. We don't care if it's not fair.
    21.It's not that we don't want to make you happy, it's just that sometimes, we don't know how.
    22.Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
    23.If it itches, it will be scratched.
    24.If you ask a question you don't really want an answer to, expect an answer you didn't want to hear.
    25.Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
    26.Don't ask us what were thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss topics such as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
    27.Sundays equals sports. Period.
    28.Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
    29.When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
    30.You have enough clothes.
    31.You have too many shoes.
    32.Crying is blackmail.
    33.Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
    34.Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
    35.No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar you know we check.
    36.We're not mind readers and we never will be. OUr lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
    37.Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair - out of 30 - would look good with your dress?
    38.Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
    39.Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
    40.A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
    41.Check your oil.
    42.Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
    43.It is neither in your best interest or ours to take any quiz together.
    44.It doesn't matter which quiz.
    45.Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.
    46.If you won't dress like the Victoria Secret girls, don't expect us to act like the soap opera guys.
    47.If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
    48.You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
    49.Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
    50.Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
    51.If you wear a Wonderbra and a low-cut blouse, you lose the right to complain about having your boobs stared at.
    52.Our relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
    53.Men see a limited number of colors, like Windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
    54.Ditto melon.
    55.If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing is wrong.

    There’s something creepy about the woods.

    There’s something creepy about the woods. Perhaps it’s the deep shadows, the unseen animals lurking in the brush, or the absence of people and lights.

    The Land Remembers

    One night I was camping near where an old river dam had been. I pulled the canoe in late so I just draped the tarp over the canoe and crawled in underneath it and fell asleep. In the middle of the night I woke up to the sound of roaring water. I crawled up out from under the tarp and the sound stopped. I thought I must have been imagining it or it was the wind through the trees or something. I crawled back under the tarp and the sound started again. This time when I crawled out it didn’t stop. The sound got louder and louder. I realized that it sounded like water ripping through the woods. Even the dogs had their hair on end. I quick pulled the tarp off the canoe and dragged it up to the top of a ridge and waited to see what was making that noise. Then I heard the voices, men yelling and a dull thumping noise. I huddled down next to the boat, pulled the dogs close and waited for the sun to come up to find out what was happening. Morning came and there was nothing to see. To this day I don’t know what that was but I have my ideas. I will not camp there ever again. I was told that the land remembers, and that’s fine, I just don’t need to be there when it’s remembering.

    The Scream

    Some friends and I were doing some night fishing on the James River. We were sitting along the shoreline with a nice fire going accompanied by the usual idle talk and a few beers, when suddenly everyone just stopped talking like a switch was flipped off.

    We were all staring across the river and felt as if something or someone was staring back. It was a very uneasy feeling, to which some of the group tried to shake off with the typical macho humor, when a bloodcurdling sound erupted from the other shore that froze everyone in their tracks. This sound was unlike any other that I had heard and it made every hair on my body vibrate and tingle. The only way I can describe it is it sounded like a wild person with no language skills being gutted alive. No words, just this high pitched bloodcurdling scream. Nobody moved or said a word. We all just sat there fixed in our stare, when just as suddenly a second scream was let loose with even more force than the first.

    By this time, several of us were sprinting to our trucks that were parked within 20 or 30 feet and retrieving various firearms. We all sat there quietly with our eyes fixed staring toward the opposite shore watching the light from our fire reflecting off the rocks. Hours later we packed it up and left, feeling very unsettled. We never did figure that one out or even hazard a guess as to what was on the opposite bank.

    The Invisible Assailant

    It was very early in the morning around 2-3 a.m. and I was in a very open area waiting for my boss to return with some equipment. As I was waiting I got that feeling like I was being watched by something that didn’t want me there and had some intent on harming me. I stood up and looked around. The moon was very bright that night and I could clearly see all the way to the tree lines, probably 50 yards on both sides of me. Nothing around. I calmed down a bit and took my pack off my back to get my drink out.

    As I opened my drink, I hear this woosh woosh woosh sound flying through the air from behind me. It was like the sound that a stick makes if you throw it overhand. I literally dove out of the way with my bag falling to the ground and my drink flying through the air spilling as I jumped away. I recover from my diving experience and take my radio out of my bag to radio my boss. I go “I’m not trying to freak you out or anything but I’m on my way back to the shop. I just had something thrown at me.” As I’m talking to him I’m looking around on the snowy ground for anything that could have been hurled at me. There was nothing on the ground but snow. I had no idea what the hell was going on at this point. His reply of “I’ve already got a head start on you I’ll see you there” sounded out of breath like he was running. I gather my stuff and start hauling ass back to the shop.

    I get back and meet up with my boss and he’s pacing back and forth in our shop freaking out. I get him to calm down and he tells me he was on his way back up to me when he got the same feeling I got before something got thrown at me. He said after he got the feeling he stopped to look around and heard something clearly two legged start walking towards him, barely crunching in the snow. Then he said it started running at him but there was nothing in sight. All of the sounds of movement stopped and he froze to listen for more sounds. Then he said a “hot breath” was hitting the back of the neck and he proceeded to freak the f**k out. He said he ran the whole way back to the shop and about halfway back is when he heard me on the radio.

    The crazy part about this whole thing is the area where we were working has several burial mounds in the woods from Native Americans. Apparently, there also used to be an ‘altar’ of some kind made out of stone that was buried during a construction project a few decades ago.

    The Thing in the Swamp

    As I sat in the dark in my tree stand, I kept having that feeling of being watched. Now I have hunted, camped, and grew up in the woods and am completely at home, day or night, in the darkest, deepest swamps, and I had never had this feeling. I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

    When I was slithering down later that morning, I saw something out of the corner of my eye about the same time that I heard it! I heard the crash and just BARELY caught sight of something running through the palmettos parallel to me. Now I say barely because it looked like a huge, brown dog. Honestly, at first I thought it was a buffalo. It crashed through the thicket and I heard it hit water. It sounded like a herd of hogs plowing the trees!

    Around two or so that afternoon, I had been sitting in the stand maybe an hour or so when I heard the faint splash of hogs across the thicket in the swamp. As it got louder, I begin getting nervous. It was so weird because I had never felt that way before. Well, what I thought was a bunch of hogs turned out to be one single critter. When it was within a hundred yards, I could hear it plain and clear. Whatever it was, it was in no hurry and stayed out of sight. I had scouted the area and I knew the water the creature was in was waist deep on me. I could hear the “splash, drip…drip…drip…splash” as it put one foot in front of the other, real slow, like it was trying to be quiet. I thought it might be another person till I thought about how deep that water was. I would never point a gun at a noise or anything I wasn’t planning to kill dead, but as that noise got louder I was looking down the barrel! I was actually shaking.

    The creature eventually got to the edge of the water with about 40 yards of thicket before the open ground between us. It crashed about 10 or 15 yards and then went quiet. Deathly quiet. No frogs, no crickets, no birds, nothing. I might have imagined it, but I thought I could hear something every now and then, like it was slippin’ in on me. It was getting dark by then and to say I was shaken would be an understatement. I never saw or heard anything else that evening, but I was so put off by the sounds that I left my bag hanging on a nail in the stand. It was two days before I got the nerve up to go back after my bag, but when I returned the bag was gone and the bark of the tree had been scratched and clawed to hell! I have not been back to that swamp. I’ve told a few people about the creature, but no one believes me.

    Stupid design.

    Gender flipped versions of Disney and Ghibli characters.